I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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