I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
