I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
