if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
