How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
