Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
we're making bets on your personal life
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
