I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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