I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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