just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Randomize
