so explain again why im purple
no
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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