I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize