my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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