Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
