Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
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She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
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He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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