He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
