I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
