I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
