Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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