Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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