Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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