I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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