I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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