I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
