My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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