Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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