Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
