Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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