True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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