dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
