Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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