He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
