I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
