there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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