Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
