I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
