when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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