A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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