I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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