Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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