Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
