Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
i believe in u and ur pee
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
