shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
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with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
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HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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