Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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