hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I want to fling myself into the sun
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
