I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
