Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
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I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
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It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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