walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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