I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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