So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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