Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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