NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
