Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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