sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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