Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Randomize
