he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
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