Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
