you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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