He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
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I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
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I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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