The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
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