im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
