apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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