ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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