You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
