Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
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