She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
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